Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Jack Ryan Controversy

Dear Mr. Zorn (Chicago Tribune Columnist)

In regards to recent revelations regarding Jack Ryan's divorce records, I am in complete agreement with you an a couple of points. First, Jack Ryan was "hiding behind his son", as you put it. There is no reason why he shouldn't have been open and honest with his son about everything. He should have sat him down and told him "Listen, son, sometimes grown-ups do things that kids don't understand. For instance, I wanted to have brutal sex with your mother in front of hundreds of strangers." I'm sure if he had just done that months ago, his son would have understood ,and the trauma of learning about it in the newspapers would have been averted. In fact, I think every nine-year-old should be explained the appeal of voyeurism just as soon as they learn about the birds and the bees ... the many, many bees.

Secondly, Ryan's assertion that these records were "none of our business" and that the media's attempt to unseal his divorce records were unscrupulous are absurd. These records pertain to having sex with a television star. If there is anything that is more "our business" than the sex life of a celebrity, I don't know what it is. In fact, I am deeply disturbed that the media doesn't provide more coverage of the sex lives of TV and movie stars. The media has done us a disservice by not answering many of the questions surrounding this issue. Where are these sex clubs? How does one get in? Do you need an invitation? Is identification required? These are the basic Who? Where? When? Why? questions of reporting.

However, Mr. Zorn, you are incorrect when you say that this will hurt Mr. Ryan's chances to be elected. He nearly talked Jeri Ryan into participating in an orgy. A man like that deserves to be in the Senate. You might say he belongs there. Where else can we send our sexual deviants, if not to Congress?

1 comment:

LoyolanExile said...

Nate, it is writing like this--


"However, Mr. Zorn, you are incorrect when you say that this will hurt Mr. Ryan's chances to be elected. He nearly talked Jeri Ryan into participating in an orgy. A man like that deserves to be in the Senate. You might say he belongs there. Where else can we send our sexual deviants, if not to Congress?"

--that leads me to a realization. You're not allowed to have a Ph.d and also be that witty. I'm sorry, those are the rules, choose now and choose wisely.